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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Live Review: The Knot

Rather than write a review on a product that was sent to me, then read it over, and then edit it significantly, I figured that I would just write it as I drink it. This way you'll see how much actually gets edited out on my other reviews.

This session is brought to you by the Irish whiskey, The Knot.

Open it up
Good God! It smells like someone just shoved the jar of butterscotch from my Grandma's house up my nose then topped it off with butterscotch topping from Farrell's. You know, Farrell's, where you are a little piggy, you have a little snout, you love to come to Farrell's because that's where you pig out.

It better NOT taste like this and still have those ads with the rusty, old guy telling you not to be a wimp.

Pop a swig
The butterscotch smell becomes pleasing and hits my tongue without being that strong, but then it hits me. OH MY GOD THE BURN! This stuff makes *me* want to make a commercial with lots of cussing in it.

The second sip doesn't seem to be burning as much and the flavors are coming out a lot more. I need to add an ice cube.

Cooling it down helps even more and the flavors smooth out nicely. A little butterscotch, a little caramel, but this is a drink! This is what you drink when you want a drink, when you are sitting at the bar by your lonesome and want to get something to the back of your gullet and tell the world to fuck-off.

This stuff is strong too. Do NOT have two glasses of this. I can barely handle one. Two glasses might make you feel like you just shut the garage door and turned the car on.

Second and Third Glass
Im pretty sure i shouldn't be drinking this much of it. I think it was designed to sip nicely but it seems to b like those fucking sour Patch Kids at the movie. You're not going to stop even when your jaw practically clamps down from the sourness and you're using a damned Jaws of Life to unclench your teeth and get another Sour Patch Kid in. Yeah, same thing. The burn has become my friend, my closest ally, and also something that takes my mind off the fact that Im havving more of something that I know full well I will not be happy about. It's the new crack. instead of a meth lab, I'm going to make a Knot Lab. i'm sure that's legal. No noxious chemicals. This paragraph looks pretty long.

Fourth glass
I'm not touching this glass. I'm stting here, staring at it, typing very slowly. For some reason this stuff doesn't make me want to drunk dial, it makes me want to drunk text. If you're a friend and reading this and also getting a random sms from me then I apologize in advance. Okay maybe just a sip.

Kunkloozion
Yeah I know that's not how you spell it. I'm just being dramatic to illustrate the point. You don't drink The Knot because you're looking for a flavor profile, or want to see legs on your glass, or describe any of your drinks as "precocious." Holy crap, I spelled that right.

Drink The Knot! Be The Knot! (But only one glass for you at a time)

The Knot

2 Comments:

Lysa said...

Gosh, thanks for the swell review. I will be sure NOT to drunk-dial on the Butterscotch stuff. I'll spare the listener my slurs and wait till the good tequila comes around...

Anonymous said...

Wow you actually like the knot?? That stuff is sickening sweet gross. It's not Irish whisky in fact it's not a whisky at all. It's like an over proofed cordial to get girls drunk. The new Goldslagher. Definetly not a mans drink despite all the marketing gimmickry.