Martini Groove

Smirnoff Source is the new malt liquor that is advertised as "Alcohol + Water." The alcopop is the first to contain pure spring water and a malt-based alcohol. It has 3.5% ABV and is supposed to have less calories than most beers out there. The commercial is pretty damned cool and features a song by The Rapture as water moves to the beat like a graphic equalizer.

Revolution U&I isn't really vodka, but it's not really a regular malt liquor beer. It's in a new category called "Alcomalt" and is made in Canada. It's charm comes from its ability to not only taste like vodka, but also because it has half the alcohol of vodka, allowing it to be sold in convenience stores under a regular beer and wine license. They're not just stopping at vodka either. They've got a dry gin, a rum, and mixed drinks too, like a strawberry daiquiri and a Blue Lagoon. You won't find them in the US yet, only in Canada and mostly in French, which means we'll probably never get them. Revolution U&I

The Dutch's brilliance is well-known. Not only do they have the Red Light District, but they're known for inventing the pendulum clock, finding Saturn's rings, creating the basis for International Law and...powdered alcohol. A group of students in Amsterdam have invented an alcopop sort of drink that comes in powdered form. Just empty the packet in to a glass and you get a lemon-lime confection that is 3% alcohol. Technically this low amount of alcohol volume can be sold to 16 and over in the EU and has tax advantages because you're not shipping alcohol, so you can get around those charges. If Spykes can't make it here, I'm hoping that this stuff doesn't get far either. The students are pretty blatant that they're trying to market it to the underage crowd, but that's one drink that we don't really need here. Just add water - Students invent alcohol powder

Spykes from Anheuser-Busch is their latest ploy to market directly to the teenage market, or so some are saying. A-B's (That's what we call Anheuser-Busch in "the biz") release of the flavored malt liquor with 12% ABV (That's Alcohol By Volume in "the biz") has plenty of tasty flavors (Which is code for "totally disgusting" in biz-speak) and looks like an alcoholic Jamba Juice. No, I haven't had them. But I've never been burned alive either, that doesn't mean I want that either. The flavors of Spicy Mango, Hot Melons (!!!), Spicy Lime, and Hot Chocolate come in bright 2oz packaging. Each one also contains caffeine, guarana, and ginseng. You know, for that quick boost of energy before exams. Of course, A-B denies any such marketing tactic but if that's not the case, I'm not really sure why they have message boards on their site as well as an AOL Instant Messenger screen name and downloadable AIM icons. Spykes

If you had to pick any one alcohol to remember the 80's by, it would definitely be wine coolers. This was pre-RTD, pre-Mike's Hard Lemonade, and way before vodka popped up from every county in every state. The drinks were great for hot days, had more alcohol than beer, and didn't leave any girls left out of the summer BBQ's. Bartles & James were always sure to thank us for their support and that made us feel all warm and fuzzy about them. They were basically done away with in the 90's due to changes in laws that stopped wines from going across state lines, but now Majestic Brands is bringing back one of the most popular of the wine coolers, California Coolers. Yup, just like Tab, California Coolers are what's new again. You can get flavors like Coastal Citrus, Pomegranate Berry, Cranberry Grapefruit and White Peach for a mere $7.99 a six pack. Expect to see them in the Western US right away with a national rollout by the end of May. And don't forget ...

Seagram's has a full line of Gin & Juice flavors that contain energy supplements, such as Ginseng, and has added a new flavor to their lineup. Tropical Thunder is a mango flavored drink that sells in a 750ml bottle for US$9.99. It adds to their lineup of other drinks including: Original Citrus, Purple Rage, Red Fury, Ruby Red Grapefruit, Blue Beast and Green Dragon. It helps if you say "Tropical Thunder" with an Australian accent too. Thundaaaaaaah! Seagram's Gin and Juice - US$9.99