I've been shopping for the last two days straight, checking out the bargains, surfing the web, and standing in lines so that YOU DON'T HAVE TO! It's the kind of love I have for you, my occasional reader.
Over the last few days you've been inundated with newspaper inserts the size of Finnegan's Wake and just as confusing. I'm here to help you break out of the recycling bin and focus on the important stuff: Wine and cocktails.
Things here range from free to pricey, so it's sure to fit everyone's budget. With gas on the decline, you can use those extra duckets for something cool to give (and those pectoral implants you've been wanting).
Do you have a friend that drinks Jagermeister? Well, then you know the importance of the Jager being as cold as possible in order to insure that they can taste it as little as possible.
If only there was some sort of machine that one could put any of their favorite shot drink in to and it would chill it down to Nicole Kidman-like temperatures. Oh wait. THERE IS!
The Chilled Shot Machine gets things down to a frigid 15 degrees Fahrenheit! That's something like...NEGATIVE ONE BILLION in Celsius! Is there anything colder? I don't think we should find out as Absolute Zero scares me.
Chilled Shot Machine - US$149.99
Gravity Shot Glasses
If you're doing shots, then you're going to need to be able to share those shots (taking shots alone is just, sad). But if you're DOING the shots, how can you SHARE the shots with any capability?
These Gravity Shot Glasses are stuck to their plate like Velcro, but with magnets. The glasses won't move, won't fall over when you tip it as you stumble over your sense of purpose, and won't keep the liquid in your glass if you turn it over like in the picture.
Gravity Shot Glasses -US$21.99
If you have any good wine sitting in your cellar, you usually won't open it for yourself but will wait until friends come over to share it with them. Why? Because it's best shared with friends? No! Because you know you can't decant the whole damn thing and drink it yourself and you don't want it to go to waste.
Now you can keep that 1986 Cain V to yourself! Use a good vacuum system and decant one beautiful glass at a time.
Do you need this? NO! But isn't it freakin' awesome?
One Dose Blown Glass Wine Decanter - US$96.00
Wine Preservation System
So, you decanted a single glass, what do you do with the bottle? You need to preserve it so that you can continue to enjoy that bottle alone!
The Skybar Wine Chilling, Pouring, and Preserving system allows you to do just that. It'll store 3 of your favorite bottles and keep them in vacuum sealed freshness for up to 10 days. It even has temperature regulation with 9 presets so you can make sure your white zinfandel is stored juuuuuust right and all for you!
Martini Groove: Allowing you to be selfish since December 5, 2005 at around 6pm.
Skybar WP1000 Wine Chilling, Pouring, and Preserving System - US$999.99
Inflatable Salad Bar That Stores Booze Too
Okay, maybe the high-end wine storage isn't for you. Maybe you want to store something in the much shorter term and without having to look like you're a snob. Then the Inflatable Salad Bar is perfect for your boozing afternoon of lawn darts. Fill it up with the love from your lungs, throw some ice and beers in it, and you're set for an afternoon of sharp points flying around!
Inflatable Salad Bar - US$29.98
Have you ever been searching for the perfect words for that special someone but just can't seem to put in to prose what your heart is yearning to say? Then Urban Outfitter is taking the words right out your mouth and putting them where they belong, on a pint glass.
You can choose the print that best fits your feelings from a choice of four: Bitch, Dickweed, Douchebag, and Slut. Tender moments ensue.
Slang Pint Glasses - US$8.00
You can't have a great cocktail if the mood isn't right. It just won't work. You need lighting, music, and the right scent. Just like the ones that Gwen over at Intoxicated Zodiac sent me. (Ha, ha! Homonyms!)
Unlike some of the other insane claptrap you'll see in this guide, I actually OWN this one. Not only does it smell better than just about anything on the planet, but it also emits a pleasing glow from it's center in the form of a flame. The container has little martini glasses, your zodiac sign, and the scent is matched to make sure that you're friends like you. Except you, Aquarius, no one likes you.
Gwen's candles are also being featured at swanky Henri Bendel, 5th Avenues finest purveyor of chic items for the elite.
Celestial Cocktail Candles - US$30
Crazy-Assed Wine Bottle Holder!
Look at this thing! How crazy awesome is that! Seriously, get it!
You can't get it.
Don't Break The Bottle Game
Imagine the joy on your friend's face when they see that you've wrapped their gift of a $700 bottle of Scotch in this clever device that challenges them to get the puzzle off before they can drink any of it! Bonus: They could actually BREAK the bottle! Oh the delight in their hearts! You'll definitely be invited to next year's party!
The device fits most standard liquor bottles (Read: NO Vodka bottles) and comes with instructions.
Dont Break the Liquor Bottle Puzzle Game - US$19.99
Island Oasis has come out with a Paradise Party Box which contains strawberry, piña colada, mango and banana; four Poco Grande non-shatter glasses; twenty-five umbrella straws; Island Oasis’ own Steel Band music CD; and a collection of recipes that will allow you to serve 48 people! All for under $60!
They even have the equipment do it like a pro with their $2450 blender or like a once-a-month drinker with their $99 one.
The Paradise Party Box - US$59.99 (Free shipping for the holidays!)
Whether you want to spruce up a bottle of wine for a friend or use Johnnie Walker's prestigious name to pimp your own, you can get them free and online. Finally, a place to put in to print your unique voice!
Free Wine Labels
Free Johnnie Walker Labels
If there's two things you need no matter where you are, it's USB Storage and something to open your beer. Well, hopefully you're a soon-to-be proud owner of the Popdrive Bottle Opener with 1GB of built-in memory so you can keep those important work files on it and close to your thoughts with each opened brew.
Ziotek Popdrive Bottle Opener with 1GB Thumb Drive - US$18.95
Instant Wine Chiller
The Ravi Instant Wine Chiller hangs out in your freezer, talking to the baking soda, until you're ready to use it to pour whatever bottle of wine to just the right temperature. It's got a little vent on the side so that you adjust just how cold you want your wine. Adjust it to a chilly white wine temperature or a little higher to keep your red wine tasting perfect. Significant vodka possiblities as well.
Ravi Instant Wine Chiller - US$49.95
You know she wants you. Of course she wants you. As soon as you drove your remote control car up to her and she noticed there were two drinks in there, you had her. Your wink from across the way signaled to her your savvy and charm. Your winning smile that came with the drink was a bonus.
Of course, your first attempt at a joke and laughing like a donkey put you squarely in to "friend" category for all of eternity, but that's okay. The remote-controlled buggy already sees another potential over by the salad bar trying to nail down a cherry tomato with tongs.
How much more fun could you have with one 9 volt and 4 AA batteries?
Radio Controlled Beverage Buggy - US$49.99
They have a boat too!
Don't like any of this stuff? Well, you could read last year's. Or the year before that!