Martini Groove

Oh yeah, I've felt like this.

Everyone seems to love to hate Paris Hilton, but I really don't have a problem with her. Take a girl that is gorgeous, give her a ton of money, a workaholic attitude, then put a guy's brain in her, you get Paris Hilton. Most of us are just jealous. But I do have to ask, "What the fuck is Bordeaux thinking?" She's now been hired to pimp the Bordeaux region in print, tv, and poster campaigns. I understand that most French wines are getting pretty desperate to stay afloat among ever-increasing international competition, but this smacks of sheer desperation to change their image without much thought to what it is they're changing it too. It made sense to have her pushing Carl's Jr/Hardees burgers, and even the canned Prosecco, but I'm seriously lost on this one. The campaign's name even pokes fun at her infamous video by calling it "Paris: One night in Bordeaux." Oh well, I guess I have to look on the bright side and just be glad that t

I have so much damned alcohol sitting around from all the goods that everyone has sent me that it looks like I'm someone who is preparing very well to be an alcoholic but wants to stock up before doing it in order to be sure that I'm doing it correctly. Therefore, welcome to Saturday Night Fever. Every Saturday night I will be reviewing a new drink or alcoholic beverage. This makes sense because I will either be a) having enough people around to try it with me and give more opinions or b) sad that no one is around and wanting to feel superior to everyone by trying something they probably can't get. This week: Reyka Vodka Talk to me, Goose Reyka Vodka is the pride of Iceland and is distilled in a Carter Head still, which probably means nothing to most of the world except it's a still designed for gins. The alcohol is then filtered through Iceland's lava rocks which removes pretty much all the impurities as it is filtered 3 times through the stuff. The water is p

The vodka market is becoming so saturated that taste is no longer everything. In fact, it can taste awful or even mediocre and still do pretty damned well, as long as it has the gimmick factor or a killer marketing team. Vertikal Vodka is the latest of this breed and its hook is the ultra-cool bottle design. The bottle is completely neckless, even more so than the Voss Water we're seeing spring up in clubs, as it has a twist cap in the top that allows for pouring. The design, by nonobject , has already won numerous awards. The vodka is going to be released by the makers of "V" Vodka. No pricing or release date set. Arteska International

Most of us really have no idea what we're doing when we go pick out a wine. Some people go with a varietal and maybe try to get one on the upper-end of their price range, others just try to find a cool label and run with it. The biggest boneheads listen to some yutz who reviews it and tells us that it tastes like "blackberries and precociousness" and gives it 89 points, which is vastly different than a wine that is 91 points. As more and more labels pick a mascot for their wines, Critter Wines catalogues them. Just go to their site and pick your favorite animal, it will then come back with the wines that have that animal on the label. Now, you can finally build a wine cellar and call it "The Ark" and collect each wine by two's. Don't expect them to mate though, that's just weird. Critter Wines

The Angelshare single bottle wine cellar is perfect for displaying that bottle that is the star of your vast collection of under $20 wines. The storage device doesn't use freon and doesn't have a compressor, so vibration is kept to a minimum and no freon means you won't have to worry about it's cooling capability as it uses Peltier cooling. It can be set to 3 different temperatures and heats or cools based on external conditions. It also keeps humidity high (+65%) and has an ultra-violet coating on the glass in order to stop the harmful rays from changing the flavor of your wine. Angelshare Single Bottle Cellar - US$374.14

Bison Brewery in Berkeley, CA is one of the better microbreweries I've been to. The place has a great atmosphere and beer that's unique without having to be only for beer geeks. Recently, Bison joined forces for a special project with three old friends from the early days at Pete's Wicked Ale. It seems that one of the friends, Virginia, was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a form of bone cancer that occurs when the plasma cells attack the bone cells. Their is no known cure for the cancer. Reunion Beer is based on one of the founder's early beer recipes and ALL profits go to the Institute for Myeloma & Bone Cancer Research. I emphasize "all" because it's really great to see someone going in 100% to helping a cause they believe in. It's not one of those benefits that gives a "portion of proceeds" to the cause and never really lets you know just how big a portion. These guys are the real deal. The beer can be purchased in California, Wa

The trend for special wedding cocktails keeps picking up and since trends seems to last longer than most marriages, why not have one at one of YOUR next weddings? Hey, you only get married 3 or 4 times in your life, might as well make it special. The Something Blue wedding cocktail is made with the yummy blue cognac, HPNOTIQ and is being sported at plenty of celebrity weddings, including Jennifer Lopez. If it's good enough for one of J-Lo's marriages, it should definitely make its way to yours! The Something Blue 2 oz. HPNOTIQ 2 oz. white wine 1 oz. ginger ale Serve in a Champagne flute. Slice of star fruit garnish optional.

Over a hundred years ago, whisky production stopped in England and has been in pretty much every industrialized since then. Now whisky has returned to the island with St. George's Distillery, named after the patron saint of the country. The first and only whisky distillery in the country expects to start actually selling bottles in December of 2009. Norfolk Whisky Co.

If you had to pick any one alcohol to remember the 80's by, it would definitely be wine coolers. This was pre-RTD, pre-Mike's Hard Lemonade, and way before vodka popped up from every county in every state. The drinks were great for hot days, had more alcohol than beer, and didn't leave any girls left out of the summer BBQ's. Bartles & James were always sure to thank us for their support and that made us feel all warm and fuzzy about them. They were basically done away with in the 90's due to changes in laws that stopped wines from going across state lines, but now Majestic Brands is bringing back one of the most popular of the wine coolers, California Coolers. Yup, just like Tab, California Coolers are what's new again. You can get flavors like Coastal Citrus, Pomegranate Berry, Cranberry Grapefruit and White Peach for a mere $7.99 a six pack. Expect to see them in the Western US right away with a national rollout by the end of May. And don't forget

Mercer's Ice Cream in New York has long been a local favorite as well as a destination for ice cream connoisseurs, they have everyone from Bill Clinton to Steven Tyler serving their ice cream at parties and have some of the best flavors out there. They've now come along with 3 new flavors based on wines and actually have 5% alcohol in them, making it impossible for the little ones to get a scoop unless some uncle sneaks them one at the wedding. The flavors, Ala Port Wine, Peachy White Zinfandel and Red Raspberry Chardonnay, are already starting to be served at restaurants in New York and are expected to take off nationally very soon. NYC Restaurants Scooping Up Wine-Flavored Ice Cream

Singlemalt.tv has launched with such wild success that Wall Street is pushing the owner, Paul Draper, to send the company public in order to get the cash to build on it's initial success of 750,000 viewers across 100 countries in its first month. The good thing about this success is that it will encourage a lot of other specialty Internet TV stations to pop-up thanks to it's ability to focus on a specific market, run cheaply, and easily acquire advertisers who are chomping at the bit to spend their advertising dollars on a heavily focused audience. TV station devoted to whisky becomes toast of Wall Street Singlemalt.tv

With wine bars popping up all over, we're seeing more and more of these wine dispensing contraptions that serve up the wine like so much coffee. The Vin au Verre allows you to serve up to 8 bottles at a time and store another 8 in its temperature controlled confines. The bottles that you open and keep "on tap" stay good for 2-3 weeks thanks to its use of nitrogen to keep things cool. It can handle 4 reds and 4 whites, both at their perfect temperatures. It even uses L.E.D. lights because they're UV free and won't change the flavor of the wine. Vin au Verre Wine Dispenser - US$5495.00

Big-time sandal maker, Reef, has come out with a sandal that allows you to sneak in a dram of your favorite drink inside the little pouch in the heel of the sandal. Wear this, The Wine Rack, and The Beer Belly and you've got yourself a walking bar! Reef Dram Sandal via Uncrate

I'm not really sure what it is Thrillist is doing here, but it satisfies the judgemental side of me that allows me to think that I have the power to pick hot girls and deny girls that just don't make the cut. Clearly, this has nothing to do with reality because I'd pretty much just take whatever I could get. But shoot on over and vote for 3 of your favorite girls. The winners get...something. Seriously, do you care? Thrillist Favorite Wine Rack

I'm sure most of you remember the Central Wines Warehouse fire from October 2005 in Vallejo that burned an entire storage facility to the ground. It contained some extremely rare vintages as well as the entire releases of some of California's favorite wineries. Damage was estimated to be around US$250 Million. Today, they charged Mark Anderson with setting the fire, among other things. The Sausalito wine cellar owner allegedly embezzled some of his own fine wines out of the storage facility in order to sell them, then set fire to cover his tracks and get the insurance money for the wines that were no longer there. He was charged with a grand total of 19 counts of illegal activity, including arson, embezzlement, and transporting stolen merchandise across state lines. Businessman Charged In Wine Warehouse Fire

Take a beer and super-cool it with Liquid Nitrogen. It gets so cold that it stays liquid until something agitates it, causing the ice crystal chain reaction. Check it out here.

Drinking alone has a strange stigma. People tend to think that only alcoholics drink alone, yet people put bars so far away from houses, that you have to drive to get to one. No neighborhood wants a bar near their houses, but you can't drink and drive. It just seems that drinking at home makes sense to get around all of the problems. Except people will think you're an alcoholic. Modern Drunkard Magazine helps you conquer the problem of drinking alone and overcoming the thought that everyone thinks you'd settle for a tall, stiff glass of Pin-Sol. So, get your favorite bottle, sit at the table, and prepare to meet your inner monkey. The Zen of Drinking Alone

For those fanatics, like myself, who pour over every issue of Robb Report because I just have "too much money" and have "no idea" how to spend it all, except on limited edition watches and 300 year old Scotch, Destination Cellars has given us something new to look forward to. If you're one of their 500 exclusive members, you can travel the world to specific wine regions and have unique experiences, such as tasting rare wines in Burgundy, or a trip through Rioja with a private tasting in the caves. Membership gives you their unique concierge service which gives you first-class hospitality the whole way. How much does it cost? Well, if you have to ask, you're probably better off in the tasting room with the public (and me). Destination Cellars

The BongXedo is a frat party in a can, or for those Frank the Tank's out there who just want to relive it. The unique design allows you to pour the booze in to the top and get straight yellow product out of the area that normally dispenses your yellow product. The series of tubes (yes, like the Internet) allows the foam to be pulled away so that you're ingesting cool, yellow goodness. Our BFF's over at The Liquor Snob recently got one and had quite the little party with it. They even came up for uses of the word "Bongxedo" as a noun AND a verb. BongXedo - US$40 Liquor Snob Review

Sure, it looks like an ice chest with a spout on it, but the US$450 LazyDrinker can hold 16 different mixing ingredients and has a database to make over 5000 drinks. Of course, you can't make 5000 drinks with only 16 ingredients, so it has the ability to chain them together in order to make sure that you can even make the obscure ones. Now getting drunk and sunburned at the river comes that much easier because you can make anything that people have a taste for. LazyDrinker via Drink of the Week 2.0

Cirrus Vodka is the latest in vodkas to launch except this one's a little different as it's actually won awards that people have heard of and done well in competitions that the industry actually attends, including a Gold Medal at the San Francisco World Spirits Competition. Bill Dowd reviewed it here and tells the whole story. You can get Cirrus right now in Virginia, Washington DC, and in Tennessee as of this week. Cirrus Vodka

If you got US$25 Million to throw around, then you too can setup your own state of the art distillery and build a vodka that is 100% pure water and distilled to 90 proof (most vodkas come in around 80). Skyy's new Skyy 90 does all that and comes in a funky bottle to boot. The new vodka has been trialled in major metropolitan markets like San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, and Miami, and will be available across the US by late spring. Skyy 90 Vodka

Hey! I forgot one of the MixMo entries. Bartender Thinking gave us a shot with some history, some flair, some pizazz and plenty of taste. Make your own damned Snood Murdekin . Darcy over at Art of the Drink went one step further to tell us more about layered shots. Check it out.

Yesterday's Mixology Monday was everything it promised to be as we took shooters and promised to sex you in the sexy places that you like to have sex. Unless you're a snobby alcohol blogger, then you're going to sneer at it in disdain and mumble something under your breath about "frat parties" and "Chevy mechanics." First, let's talk about our hero Paul over at Cocktail Chronicles, he created a shooter that he turned in to the mascot for his site. The Bone is something you'll come to love, and fear. Kurt over at The Handy Snake waxes poetic about how immature shots are in general and prefers his drinks good enough to be sipped, he clearly needs a bar crawl. Married with Dinner compared shots to homeless people walking along the street and yelling out "goats" with every 4th step. However, they found time to descend to us from upon high and gave us a shot classic, The B-52 . Bunnyhugs racked his brain for days on end, then came up w

The Kegulator is full of AJAX goodness and gives you the answer to that all-important question "How much beer do I need for my party to celebrate the release of the Season 5 DVD of Sex and the City?" Just throw in the amount of party-goers, then decide on how many people you want to be tipsy, buzzed, drunk, or hammered. Hit the "Kegulate" button and it comes back with how many kegs you need, how much ice, and how many cups. The Internet has send its blessings upon us once again. The Kegulator

99 Schnapps is giving away a free shot book so that you can actually do something with all those bottles of Schnapps you have around the house from when you were trying to make a drink that a girl would actually like. 99 Schnapps Free Shot Book

If you're drinking beer from a can, you definitely want it as cold as possible. The Tinchilla does just that. By suspending the can in ice water, then spinning it, it claims to cool the can to frosty goodness within 60 seconds. It uses 2 AA batteries and thermal conduction in order to get the job done. I would tell you what thermal conduction is, but it's very complicated and would require me to return to college. Tinchilla - US$10

The San Francisco Chronicle is well-known in the wine world for being the only newspaper with a daily wine and spirits section. They've now launched their own wine club that gives you two bottles of wine chosen by the San Francisco Chronicle's food and wine professionals; detailed recipe pairings; and editor's notes and background information about the wine's origins and distinctive characteristics so members can expand their knowledge of new vineyards and wines. I haven't seen the selections, but for $39.95 it already sounds better than a lot of other wine clubs in that price range who give you a bottle and some press blurb from the winery with it. SF Chronicle Wine Club

Considering that Portland is one of the top drinking places in America, I'm surprised there's not more alcohol's coming out of there. Medoyeff is the latest in vodkas and comes from House Spirits, a small batch maker that also makes one of my favorite gins, Aviation. The vodka is made in a "traditional Russian way" and filtered through charcoal and limestone. The bottle is starting to spread to the larger cities and sells for US$29. Medoyeff Vodka

One of my favorite drinks when I was younger was Zima, not only that, I would have them put a small shot of grenadine in it so that I could walk around with a pink beer. How come girls didn't like me? Well, Zima's embracing the market of people who were like me by reducing the alcohol a bit to 5% and coming out with some new flavors for their malt beverage. They include Zima Citrus, Zima Tangerine, and Zima Pineapple Citrus. The Tangerine one actually sounds pretty good for a super hot summer day. Though it's somewhat confusing, isn't tangerine a citrus fruit? Should be available in stores and bars that are brave enough to carry it by mid-March.

The Onion has a shirt for all the raucous drinkers that regularly read my site. The text says: I'm like a chocoholic, but for booze US$16.99 at The Onion Store